Spying: Another Form Of Unethical Police Abuse

Tuesday, May 10, 2022 7:19:52 PM

Spying: Another Form Of Unethical Police Abuse



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And so I ask you-who are your stalkers? Where did your stalking begin? Then, target them back, using legal means that I outline herein. SO- your BEST options are to study who, when, how, what and why you are being targeted, and then, to fight back with the most powerful weapon in the world: the written word, the spoken word, and a slow raising of awareness. You are NOT alone. You have a very important story to tell, and you are not alone-your story is part of a bigger story! And because they have stolen due process away, and made civil conspiracy a way of life, making access to the courts prohibitively expensive, court rooms are the last right you have to present your criminal or civil case.

If you feel suicidal, or want to harm someone else-take a deep breath: then call a suicide or community helpline as anonymously as you can-and just talk. Talk about anything-the weather, your job, or even the guys who are stalking you-but have good descriptions, license plate numbers and so on. And, talk calmly. While OGS is designed to make you appear crazy-keep in mind that those who do it are clinical sociopaths and worse. They are NOT there to help you. Here is a very old list from before the DVIC took over and slanted the narrative into full-bown Joseph Goebbels quality co-option. These people can, do and will hurt you if they can, and there is a long history of these operations targeting vulnerable people.

Go to an internet cafe and download Tor browser carefully check the download link- it should look EXACTLY like this, but double and triple check you have the right link, as sometimes intel agencies and others manipulate your web searches in real time-check and cross check and usually, be careful about the first links. Install Tor on your computer. Make sure you get witnesses.

If you have a camera on your computer, use that to take pictures behind you. These are frequently, but not always, the cell phones or routers or Sting Ray towers of organized stalkers. And, you can use screen captures to prove this has happened to you. These tools will help weed that out, or at least offer you some evidence of harassment. But be careful that you double and triple save your backup copies of this evidence, as they can, do, and will target it for theft, and to make you feel helpless against them.

Remember-your stalkers are filming and photographing you, and then, mocking you about it online, so having the power back in your hands is itself empowering-and GS HATE being caught on film. I caught this guy just the other day. Note the gray colors, like a mouse, blending n to the concrete and the pavement. These are not so scary once you pick them up by the tail and flush them away. He was photographing me as I walked across a major boulevard. While the first time I was photographed in such a way was at an anti-apartheid peace march in or so, I then discovered that these people never quit.

Later, I caught a sh! This has gone on for over 16 years now. Here is an article from the Guardian UK that highlights the problems that bloggers, writers and non-MSM journalists face, and what tools they recommend you to use. Protect yourself from organized gang stalking, learn to fight back, and practice peaceful-but highly informed-non-violent resistance. Document gang stalking for a civil lawsuit:. Of all the difficult tasks any individual could ever imagine, certainly, documenting organized gang stalking for a civil lawsuit is one of the hardest. But it is possible, if you are motivated. And, if you only network with others who are also collecting solid evidence a picture or film taken on a shaky camera is useless-ten of them, of the same person in ten different locations is court room evidence.

This will help you build a case, much as an attorney would. Then, depending upon the laws of your state these are called first party and second party consent and recording laws buy a digital tape recorder, and place it where you expect to find conversations in and around your property. In most states, it is legal to record people who are IN your home or ON your property, but check the laws just in case. Make no mistakes-they are NOT helping you, ever. SO: To begin discovering, and then naming names, ask yourself first about personal problems, real estate issues, court related matters, small town cliques and interest groups, domestic violence accusations, or political situations where you pissed someone off, or where someone tried to bully, silence, leverage, blackmail, frame, setup, or otherwise harm you.

This is frequently the person or organization that started your gang stalking, and as you will come to find out, many groups work together so that it seems impossible to find a single connection, and then, a clear evidentiary chain. Whose supremacy is always a question between generations, as the police power works with the slave trading power much like we see in Charleston lately. Many of these operators and operatives are military trained, many of them have field practice in propaganda, manipulation, and mind control. All of them are cowards who feel they have a right to do what they do, which is essentially to subvert due process under color of law. How do I go about filing a federal calaim against these criminals.

They have ruined my life over 27 years and I would not recommend anyhone come to Norman, Oklahoma City, Moore Oklahoma due to the almost total buy-in by the naive locals and America First supporters Red State. I am tired of it! I have a you tube channel me and god vs devil and his rejcts its been going on for 5 yrs with me and its juyst one thing after another!!! All you can do is try to run in between the rain drops. Oh yes and btw….. My kids appear normal, private school, fathers on the school board etc….

Guess who will help? I pray….. But how??? They can still be helped. I may as well have been wearing a billboard across my chest. Thank you for an amazing article…perhaps realizing this, I will stop returning to the same dance floor. There is something that the analysts seem to miss and that is that the aggression need not be explosive. My former relatives had extremely aggressive behaviours that were expressed as passive aggression, it made it even harder to call this type of aggression out. They would simply deny that they were being aggressive, or intended to hurt.

I became so ill with depression I began to have constant images of suicide. My teenage children are now becoming alienated and I am powerless to stop this process. They recently chose to move in with their father and his mother lives close by. Oh, myyyyy. You then become a victim x2, now in loosing all the social contacts you once had. Where does it stop? Yet another word I came up with a few years back, which I now read in the above article to aptly describe this life atrocity.

After finally getting a relief from abuse order RFA 4yrs ago, we are still living separately, but legally married. My health is not bad. His is horrible. Still feeling trapped. My estranged spouse, however, rejects all event facts which led up to the necessary RFA, which was a second legal occurrence in 12yrs. Both are refuted as factual events or how they came to be, by my spouse. He still claims the accusations are false for both incidents, where no strikes were landed, but severe hands-on or physical threats were acted upon to instill definite fear for worse to come.

My heart still breaks over unfulfilled hope for safe reconciliation. I get it. Everything is too painful. Very informative article. I am a victim of Narcissist spouse which harmed me a lot in 5 years of married life. And finally I escape from her deadly game and survived. There should be street signs and billboards about this as prevention and yet as a victim myself, I acknowledge how extremely difficult it is to carry this uncalled for burden then also expose yourself and so much pain without inflaming feelings of pity from others and worse yet… self-pity.

It is so complex. And yet our social traits and so many broken beliefs aiding the pain to prolong itself. The anger keeps you going back for revenge or awareness. The dissonance keeps you wanting to alter reality. The pain crushing you down and the help untrained enough… God bless you Doctor. I wish you shared a plan on what victims could do to expose this without looking like crazy women that simply want revenge because they were discarded…. They are often misdiagnosed. You have to be gifted to recognize this symptoms. Therapists who are known in this area are underrated and still in minority.

Victims who suffer are from N. Tina Turner has written abook about her relationship with Ikeand is also a survivor of violence in her relationship. She described her life with Ike and made her comeback. When she went a way she had no single penny. Some people say how is it possible that she survived. She is a strong woman. Dear Hamy, You are so precious. Thank you, so much for sharing your story. I found it today while looking for information on being a victim to a narcissist. I am much older now, and know more about my family dynamics because of my experience growing up with a narcissist my mother and her victims, my father and her children. At sixteen, I became pregnant and married but was separated with two daughters by age I was not as self-aware at sixteen as you are.

If I had been I would have found a way to finish school and while doing so, seek counselling. Today, there are many resources available like the internet where you can do research on the subject and find support groups but in my opinion, if I had known what you have been able to know, at sixteen, I would began with a counsellor and I would not have given up until I found a good one. This is what I ended up doing all my life anyway. It is my belief, the sooner you begin the better. Lots of Love, Diane. What a great job of fully explaining the depths of this disorder that I first wrote about in an article on Medicalnewstoday.

Available at Amazon. I have written 5 other books on various topics, including my latest — a diet memoir of a junk food junkie who lost 50 pounds eating junk food! You are clearly an extremely intelligent, perceptive and self-aware kid. Sharing definitely has therapeutic value for me. My father is an overt malignant narcissist and my mother is a dissociative with covert malignant narcissist and borderline traits. By the grace of all that is good and holy in this world, they divorced when I was 13, giving me a chance to see less of my father. Between 13 and 16 I struggled terribly in emotionally separating from him, but I was able to cut ties with my father at 16 and with my mother at There was brief contact with both of them a year ago my final attempt to get closure , but I am 21 now and narcissistic-parent free.

It hurts, terribly, but it is not without reward. I no longer fear the unfathomable violence they subjected me to in the cult in which my entire family was involved. I was not able to rescue my siblings. I am however able to help other survivors of narcissistic abuse — those willing and able to get free. I do so while grieving my losses, healing from my trauma, and trying to be somewhat interdependent with my partner who is also a survivor of child abuse.

It is difficult to find balance and cope with the post-traumatic stress, but I am thankful to say that my life is incomparably better than it was in the recent past. I have been integrating from Polyfragmented DID and deprogramming from trauma-based mind control for four years now and while it is extremely difficult, I can honestly say that healing is possible. Great article, thank you OP! I felt moved by the comments and forgot to say so sooner, sorry! Rachel, I have NVS also. Did you join any support groups on Facebook? I am here for you. Can you message me? Everything in this article rings true for me! I find that I have all of the systems of the NVS and my mom has most of the systems of a raging narcissist!

My dad is also likely a Narcissist who is now in prison for robbery. He had sexually abused me and my sister and perverted my oldest brothers mind to the point my older brother ended up sexually abusing my older sister when she was 9 he was He then got in a fight with my dad and shortly thereafter died of an appendicitis! Yet I continue to fight because I now have a 4 year old daughter. I want the best for her! I feel this information is so important that I will share it with my therapist!!! I got out of my 7-year relationship 3 months ago and have been in recovery.

I went to 7 therapists — 5 in the past 3 years — and NOT one of them every mentioned narcissistic abuse. I had to figure it out on my own by googling my symptoms. I was lucky. I look back now and it was a nightmare. I feel betrayed by the therapists who I went to for help. I am glad for this article, but in the meantime, how many others are suffering or dying, because I would have become ill and probably died had I not left. There has to be a way to make this issue mainstream and popular. There has to be a vehicle whereby this syndrome is more easily recognized. Perhaps a movie? Hamy: You are very brave and insightful to realize what you endured. Regrettably, it sounds as if your mother was a raging Narrcissist.

Her lack of empathy, entitlement to use aggression against you , her self-absorption, and extreme cruelty are features of severe narcissism. I hope you find a good therapist. With work, this therapy can be very beneficial to you. Im wondering if this is studied here in the USA and if so where info or who i can contact in wa. Frances, today is February 7, I am just now coming cross this website and reading your post. As a survivor in progress , of narcissistic abuse, there may be some things to help that I can share with you. If you are interested, please e-mail me at: Chaocity hotmail.

I hope the best for you and others on this forum. You still can. Department of families will tell you what to do. Is there any relative you could possibly trust? At 16 you can do GED and get a job. That will help you to live happier. I was your age when I realized how wicked my mom was. I left home only to come back one month later. Then, I married a narcissist who destroyed what was left of me for 20 years.

Much love cause you deserve it Angela. My whole life up until this point has been a huge blur. Realising my dad is a malignant narcissist who never loved me or anyone, a monster who finds manipulating and psychologically abusing his children fun. Realising my mother is a co-dependent in every aspect; realising my siblings also have been so mentally abused with that their sense of reality is just skewed past ever acknowledging their pain. Trauma has become an integral part of my life. When I was just a toddler it was my mother who physically abused me relentlessly. My mom never was the narcissist in the family but she is and was in a great deal of pain. Her marriage with my dad at just 19 was probably the sealing of her fate. So how could she ever give it to her children?

This shattered my view of life as a child. I was alone for most of my childhood. Alone with me and my toys. My dad went out in the mornings and worked till my bed time, although he was fully aware of what was happening while he was gone. Even though he much preferred to make phone calls while I still wept quietly, nibbling on a Strawberry Kelloggs Nutrigrain every time I see them they trigger this memory , I still vividly remember the bonding I felt towards my father that night. I think it marked the first time I could remember properly feeling loved. I remember sleeping feeling safe and sound that night, probably a decade ago. My dad grew board of violence and moved to psychological abuse.

Things like keeping the shopping low, regularly allowing electricity and gas to run out for a day or two. Forgetting birthdays. After discovering what narcissism is and being married for 20 yrs , someone said narcissistic and I started reading about it my relationship now makes sense after yrs of wondering what was wrong , I love learning about psychology,so reading was quite enlightening and easy to understand and you cant not see it once you understand , Ive always been a strong person , but this one has been rough. I have confronted and stopped , and set boundaries ,it is a constant. I am sorry to hear about your story. Please, I have met quite some narcissists abusive people etc. Do not hesitate to try the womens shelter. Are you sure he really went there? Or did he just tell you that to keep you away from it?

Even if he went there, abusers often claim to be the abused and those who work at a womens shelter will very likely know that. But only if you tell your story as well. He relies on you being scared and hiding. Do not attack him but find allies and I think the womens shelter can still help you and will listen to your story. I wish you the best. You are not alone. And you will come out of this stronger than you thought you could be. With a lot of love! And: thank you to the author for the great article!

Hi Wenke: It is confusing to me. The whole compassion for my narc thing. I had so much compassion for my narc. She ran the show for so long. One of the first things a therapist brought out in me was the anger I felt towards only understanding my narc and not myself. Fast forward years of therapy, much self-growth, much self-understanding, and finally being able to not care genuinely about the trauma my narc went through as a child which in many ways was repeated in me and then doubled-down on and it is difficult to see how understanding and having compassion for my narc would not send me right back to the beginning.

My compassion for my narc, once I was old enough to start registering it, was the thing that prevented me from caring for myself. To assume it again, seems to me, would be asking to have her reassert her control over me. Like I said, she did worse to me both her and my father and I have not followed her path with my own children or partner. I do believe there may be such a thing as character and that some of it might be in place when you are born.

That we are not simply blank aheets. That everyone in the same situation does not act the same. Therefore, because I have seen myself and others around me make choices over and over and over again that do not hurt others, while simultaneously seeing the narcs chose hurting others instead, I think allowing some accountability is ok. I feel more healed. By constantly allowing myself to feel only compassion in the past for my narc, I furthered my stock home syndrome. I believe we do not always have to forgive others and feel compassion for others to move forward ourselves. If I have acknowledged and grown, she can too, but, it is her place to do that.

Not mine. She has to decide to put in that work. She can forgive herself. Or beg for my forgiveness never going to happen as to my knowledge she has never said she was wrong for anything. She can change as I have changed if she wants to. But, I am not responsible for that either due to forgiving her. And me having compassion for her had no part of my recovery. It is something I personally view with suspicion as something that would set me backwards. Hello, my name is Tina. I am not a therapist, however, I would like to thank you for the information that I have read here. I am a victim of abuse and I am currently fighting a case in court against my abuser.

I feel very lost as I have not worked for sometime now and can not afford to pay for any attorney or therapist. I have been kicked out of my house due to my abuser filing a restraining order against me. He is claiming that I have abused him. Your stories my story. I am a survivor of Narcissistic abuse. I have been fighting for 12 years and I can no longer afford it or take it mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. I am financially and emotionally bankrupt. I suffer from panic disorder, insomnia, complex trauma syndrome and agoraphobia. I cannot afford trauma therapy at this time because the abuse has affected me so profoundly psychologically that I have trouble holding down a job because I am afraid to leave the house.

I isolate. I have lost interest in things that I once enjoyed. I desperately need help. Do you have any suggestions to help me? Good stuff. My mother is a gas lighter. She drove me nuts. The lady you got to trust. Amazing that she considers me an object. Had to say goodbye to her. Sadness arises but no alternative. Tell her to read: Men who hate women, and women who love them. It would do good for you to read it as well. She will need your support. Thank you for posting this. I recently got out of my relationship with a narc and am fighting to put the pieces of my life back together.

I am also fighting to get my daughter back, as he has taken her knowing that she is the most important person in my life. I now find myself not only having to fight to get a divorce and to get my child back, but also having to fight to prove my innocence to various legal and law enforcement agencies. I have been doing a lot of reading since the separation and am amazed at how blind I was before and during the marriage.

The sad part is that the legal and law enforcement systems are also blind to this kind of abuse. Your article does help shed light on this problem. I just wish that there would be more ways to make people and the legal system of how serious and damaging such abuse can be. Thank you once again for all the materials you have made available and for helping spread the knowledge. And you, as a victim, will be able to feel compassion also, after you have had therapy and have healed your own wounds.

Compassion does not mean justification, only that you have looked behind the mask and seen the little scared child that hides there. Trust me. It took me more than 60 years to get there, but today I can see my abusive mother for what she was behind the mask and understand why she did what she did to me. That is what finally gave me peace for my own sake. The more and more I read about this the more depressed I get. Married for over 15 years I recently discovered what is wrong with my wife. Everything everyone is describing is my wife. I have four kids and feel like I am stuck. It also seems like if you mention Narcissist to a counselor no one wants to really touch it. I was lucky on one occasion when i mentioned it to a counselor and after telling her my story and answering questions she flat out told me to RUN, leave and get a divorce because my wife will NEVER change no matter how much you hope or pray for her to.

So sad. If anyone can help with finding a counselor that can help me cope I would appreciate it. My kids….. These types of people can really make you turn into a dark, dark person. I need help. After 30 years living with a narcissist, my whole identity was lost. Somehow I realized how I had to find a way to leave him for my kids sake.

I wanted them to know this was not the way to be treated, etc. After much counseling where the word narcissist was never brought up, I prepared to leave him. Even after being divorced 16 years, he will never think he done anything wrong. My youngest son ended up being engaged to a narcissist. It was a struggle to get him to recognize this. I thought I had lost who he was. I sure wish I had known about a narcissist many years ago. And how every single thing explained about narcissism is a checklist of our 4 year relationship.

Even knowing he never loved me back. How am I ever supposed to trust my own judgement or anyone elses words ever again. I hate myself for hoping that. How do I stop? Thanks for sharing — Up until recently I had no idea the true implications of relationships with narcissists. My mother was definitely one of those. I witnessed her shocking jealousy using a leather belt on her young female flatmate the shock and trauma and guilt believing it was all my fault.

I also witnessed my mother give my then stepfather a hefty whack across the face. The owners of this so-called school was a female psychiatrist and her ex mental nurse assistant secretary. Both were violent sexual predators — the psychiatrist was definitely a narcissist. In fact I remember that everytime I saw it, his face appeared bathed in a blood red haze. One of us was going to die. Understandably I was terrified to find out that I was a really terrible person and even worse.

Even as I began therapy for the first time I was waiting for the therapist to say everything was all my fault. All these years later having got shot of my second violent partner, not sure if he was a narcissist — but the latest one definitely is. The damage this one has wreaked on my life is beyond description. So no way were the police going to help me. The struggle has been stupendous — The subject of paedophilia that emerged while in the throes of divorcing the father of my children has now come full circle. These bastards are deliberately obstructing me from repairing my neglected home and wanting me out!

I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I was adopted and raised by a narcissist. My adoptive father, the co-dependent chose himself over protecting me. I am now an adult victim of a narcissist. I have finally cut complete contact with these people and they are no longer allowed in my life. The only way this narc thinks she is able to get to me to try to enforce further abuse is by the postal mail.

When I receive any sort of mail from this narc, I immediately take the item out of my mailbox and throw it in the trash. I feel like not enough is discussed or done about narcissists breeding within the adoption industry. There are SO many children who fall prey to these narcs due to being adopted. The disgusting part is, these children need to have safety, nurturing, and unconditional love as-is already due to being separated from their natural families-.

They are then turned around and subjected to never ending abuse without anyone there to protect them. Debbie, Keep telling your story. How wonderful that you did leave. Your life will get better!! Wow, my situation sounds just like yours. I filed for a divorce 12 months ago and there appears to be no end in sight, despite us not having any children together. I would not have had the strength to leave or the ability to heal without God.

My faith, my prayers, and my church-based support groups have gotten me through this. But leaving is within our power and our healing will happen. These people are not human and they are soldiers of the devil. God Bless us all! May we all get out and heal our wounds. It is going to take a long tome to get yourself out of this hole. I find that family members and friends that are not close to the abuser tend to grasp whats happened better. Those close feel somehow responsible for not stepping in our defende or denied us the ability to even talk to them about it that they are now ashamed. Pray and read the bible all u can. The peace of our Fathe will fall over you.

I pray that he puts people in your path to guide you, love you, hug you, support you, believe in u! Oh god help us poor you! They need putting down! Evil pure!!! This by far is the best article I have read and I now have direction to seek the help I need. My encounter was with my supervisor for two years. The damage was already done by the time I was informed what I was dealing with. Unfortunately I mastered walking on egg shells, how sad! Narcissists are text book…that is how I survived working for her but this was after major damage was already done. Everything she did to me is listed under narcissist abuse, everything!!!! Text book. I will never be the same. I agree with most things said here, but one. Feeling compassion for the narcissist.

It is hard to feel compassion for anyone who systematically destroys another human being, just for kicks. They will take that compassion and use it to exploit others and if that destroys someone else in the process, than so be it. This same person will solicit sympathy and pity from others, while reducing you to a pariah who desperately needs support and validation. Even when you finally escape, go no contact and avoid them at all costs they still find ways to hurt you, because of a pathological need to destroy what they can no longer control. To a narcissist you are not a person, you are an extension of them, an object. I will pity him, but he is not deserving of compassion. This article is probably the best thing I have ever read that describes me.

I have bookmarked your site, so I can copy this off and present it to my next therapist searching for one with difficulty. Like many others here, I have had a chain of narcissists and other PDs in my life. While years ago I realized I was drawn to people who are like my narc mother, I am still doing the tango. I suppose I have made progress, though, because at least I am able to develop stronger boundaries in romantic relationships. Where I seem to have the greatest difficulty is with other females. I came to the conclusion recently after yet another bullying incident that I am a magnet for mean girl behavior which is a nice way of saying narcissistic smear campaigns, backstabbing, and character assassination.

As skilled as I have been at spotting most PDs early on, some of these women have fooled me. So, the only solution IMO is to become quite tough about the people you allow into your life. Yes, we circle the wagons a little tighter, but better that than being too loose with our boundaries. I do feel lonely from time to time because I have so few real friends, but in general I am happy in my own company and like a fair amount of solitude anyway. I am focused on moving to a different country with a culture more in line with my way of personal interactions. I have also discovered that in many cases money allows one to avoid some of this. I have been rather ruthlessly cutting people out of my life who have contributed to abuse, including several siblings.

I understand intellectually that they were groomed for their behavior by our mutual mother, but I also realize it sets my mental health back to be with them. If they are not narc sources for the other siblings and have had less porous boundaries, they probably have a completely different relationship with these siblings, so good for them. I have started viewing narc abuse, drama, smear campaigns, gossip, and the like as obstacles to my happiness and career advancement, and I see them in my mind like evil soldiers guarding my heart being kept prisoner in a tower.

I must slay all of them mentally to release my true and better self. Some people might say I attracted this negativity with my thoughts or that it is a form of resistance and self-sabotage against success. Perhaps so, but in any case, this abuse is going away. Anger is galvanizing, better than depression. I have zero tolerance for personality disorders now. Thank you for giving us this space to unload and share our stories. My thoughts and prayers to everyone else here who is going through the same thing.

Stay strong! You will get stronger and stronger as time goes by but could really benefit from the support of a counselor. Many people get denied after applying for disability so you just appeal. They hope to weed people out. I was in a relationship for 33 years with a sociopath. I do not talk about it, the abuse, it was awful. I look back now and I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to leave. I was broken and I ended up losing everything I owned and became homeless.

I just moved in with my sister last month after walking the streets aimlessly,having to be my own support system. I feel so alone, nobody understands what I went through. OH ,THIS Is going on to my DAUGHTER and now he is doing it to me ,my daughter is 40 years old and for two years has had a relationship ,he is 20 years army and SAS He has bought a Doberman as I am scared of them ,I think so I wont visit ,but as it is 15 weeks old i looked after it for a few days while he was away and the dog and i bonded i love it and its loves me ,but out it trying to attack.

You may need to look into spiritual healing. Narcissistic abuse is very much an attack on the soul. Many life coaches out there specialize in the combination of psychotherapy and spiritual healing techniques. There is a higher purpose associated with becoming involved with a narcissist… to heal, you have to learn how to fully love yourself.

My mom is a narcissist. Just realized it. Frances go on Facebook and join one of the Narccisitic support groups. They will help you sort all of this out. So, I just wanted to thank you for this website. I feel like I have really stumbled onto some clues that make sense to me as I am —slowly— recovering from what I now understand to be narcissistic vicitimization. I was lead here because I felt like I have been gaslighted for over 2 years now by a narcissistic female that I work with—one that I fell for.

She continually kept me off balance and lead me through the 3 stages as you describe. I mistakenly thought this madness was love because it was so powerful to me and I believed it was powerful to her as well. What I have really struggled to understand is WHY she became the person she is today. I thought that her PTSD explained the coldness and lack of emotional intelligence, and so I used this as a way to defend her from others like my family, my therapist, and even myself. I am waking up to what has happened and the anger and sadness I feel is a daily struggle, especially since we both work in the same place to this day. Therapy revealed to me a few revelent things, but I had nothing else to say after a few months and decided to terminate the sessions.

All the same, I am still clearly dealing with some conflicting emotions. I have no contact — NONE — with the narcissist that victimized me. If I have to be in the same room as her, I turn my back to her. I try to avoid her at all costs. I was once a supervisor but what happened with the narcissist was SO insanely tumultuous, I quit that position and moved to nights so I could avoid her completely. Christine, you will be amazed that after that, she pulled me back into her dance and had me working for her in order to get my job back. I worked for a whole year doing extra work so I could earn a case manager position. But she never stuck up for me in the interviews and I never got the position after two interviews.

She was completely silent during both interviews. And then finally, she let me know that she had been seeing someone else all along and that I was nothing to her. And then she trashed me after gaslighting. I am currently enrolled in graduate school for social work and doing my best to get my life back on track. It has been a difficult few years, though. I just broke up with my narc. After 4 and half years, he took all my money, left me homeless, and drove off in the car I bought.

Then a month afterwards, I received a phone call from who I believed was his ex wife. It turns out she is not his EX! They have been married for 17 years! She talked to me for 8 hours — until the sun came up, telling me of the horrible abuse she has endured from him, and said was glad when he found me because it meant he left her alone. I really need need to talk to someone, cry, or just get some help. I fear I am on the edge. This was very informative and helpful with regard to understanding the deep feelings and issues. For a long time I believed I was the narcissist and that I was a bad person and I started seeing my family less and less and my friends also.

I thought that by giving into the demands of my significant other that things would get better. I later started emulating her behavior when I had a few too many and then she started blaming my drinking. However, when I do try and communicate I get shut out, get ignored for 2 or 3 days, get punished by withholding sex and get reminded every day of how wrong I am. I could go on and on but I finally mustered the courage to get the F out. Very difficult because I feel that I am responsible for all that went wrong. I know I had a part to play but taking absolutely no responsibility is just a major red flag.

Anybody going through the same should get help and get out. I made my first appointment with a therapist to help me through this. Just thought that I would share my story and he;p identify the many different ways one can be manipulated. I am a man who had narcissistic parents, married a narcissistic and I think my boss is one! Can you recommend a book. I bought one, but the focus is on women who are trying to free themselves of the narcissist. I am free just need to recover now. Your words are exactly as I myself am feeling. So lost.

Torn down. Alone and beyond my capacity to cope any longer. Living the same thing, day in and day out and nothing ever changing. You know why? These people go way past self-centered…they are down right psychos. Read about borderline personality disorder. The problem is that they eat you alive, like a vulture, picking at your flesh until they get all the way down to your bones. They are sadistic, demon filled assholes. Is this anyway to live? Is this a worthwhile person? Do they deserve forgiveness, when they never apologize and point blank tell you that YOU made them do all it!

Do not except any excuse, see them for who they really are…the devil! There is NO other solution except to leave. Stop believing there is. Extremely lost, and in so much pain over what this all means. Feeling isolated and so alone. I just keep Googling like the answers going to get easier. Great advice and truth in needing to educate mental health and also the need to educate schools, church and anyone working with woman and children in known situations, Yes! It is known and needs to be addressed. This is serious problem that has developed and grown for generations. It is amazing how it is the core of our worlds developing issues and crises.

It is time to use our narcissistic traits to treat our narcissistic triggers. Victims are victimizing and paralyzing are children families and communities. Narcs need to be held accountable and so do victims. They need to first understand the truth, and that is This is a treatable and happens to children who are not given basic needs to develop into healthy adult lives. It is not just being in a neglected home that is subject to development of narcissism, It in fact can be more dangerous to a home that is filled with love and support and protective parents are more unaware of how they can create victim and narcissistic child.

Even a parent who is thinking if he tells child he can be and do whatever he puts his mind to or want he can have is a big ego development to a false entitlement a grander effect that grows and creates a lying, cheating, manipulating con artist that becomes a Ponzi to anything and anyone he can find motive and opportunity to mirror and manipulate. Sadly this is going to be the weaker and the saddest or the lonely and desperate. It is also going to be the most driven and the most aggressive and then you have the most rightness and deprived that are always going to find and feed needs. The show must end. Victims must be allowed to develop a truth and awareness that love and life was not true and was a fantasy no matter how hard it is to believe they were feeling lies.

It is your feelings that felt not theirs. You can not use same narcissistic traits to manipulate and devastate children and family and create burden and harm to yourself and others. Fool me one shame on you fool me twice shame on you. Go to narcissist groups there are out of line. I recommend studies and education go read and see the real world in the life and drama filled people growing in social groups. We all have narcissist traits, they are survival mechanisms that we develop and learn from environment and chooses.

We become victims when no one stands up and says no or no. Education, mediation along with consideration and compassion can and will be the only hope to create more understanding and effective mentors to save a life and protect one as well. I can beat and treat a narc because I use the same power to expose theirs and try to develop a healthy way to show cause and effect, And created boundaries of respect and concern.

They are usually determined and can be very well developed into real world when they feel accepted and accountable. Yes not reacting and seeing the games they play and why is a good way to learn to calm and bond with friend or lover. He cant lie to a liar. Shelly, Your experience sounds so much like mine! We also have one child. I filed for divorce 1 year ago and am still fighting to get that finalized. I begged him over the years to try again with a different counselor, pastor, anyone who might be willing to help us.

To no avail. I feel like I finally woke up, literally, last year and realized that our marriage was toxic and destroying me and our son. After I filed for divorce, my husband started living with another woman half the week and with me the other half, still expecting me to do his laundry and cook his meals. When I called him out on it, he threatened me physically. I filed a restraining order, which the judge denied.

The judge gave me property control so he finally had to move out, but he has permission to come pick up our son for the weekend. He also asked the judge for permission to access the property to remove some of his stuff, but has not done that yet 3 months later. I have to go to his other house, where he lives with his girlfriend, to pick up our son at the end of the weekend. My advice is to protect yourself and your child by minimizing contact with your narcissistic spouse.

Ask the court to help with the divorce paperwork and custody stipulation, they probably have a family law facilitator free legal assistance and a court mediator who can help with that. Try to find a counselor who can help you work through the trauma. Make good use of that support. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself and your child by making these choices and taking the steps necessary. May God bless and keep you. I am so glad that I found this post on FB. I am a victim to this abuse since childhood and as rightly said I fell in the trap and choose a narcissist partner.

I did not know there is a term for such abusive and manipulative behaviour. I am currently fighting my divorce and he constantly tries to manipulate my actions even now. On my own I figured out that I am not the me that I was before I married him. I started to rebuild myself and reached a milestone or two on my own. However, it gets so difficult to sometimes understand your own thoughts. More than that to explain to someone else as to why and how you broke into fragments. This helps me to validate my own findings and offers me direction to rebuild the lost me.

Thanks a ton dear friend. After 33years, I just threw the narcissist out of our home. Both our kids are grown, BOTH a total wreck from the narcissist father. As there are many websites dedicated to this subject I have not put any here. Although you will experience a roller coaster of emotions and at times the road ahead may be difficult your futures are bright.

You will get through this. Hugs x. Thank you for this article. Thank you for some insight and comfort as I start to piece myself back together for the kids and I. I have experienced intimate and long-lasting relationships with two partners who are narcissistic; one, my own mother. Much research during my recovery. I do understand the disorder well. Narcissistic Personality Disorder itself makes it nearly impossible to grow from, and would take almost a lifetime of professional help to recover. Neither Church nor society understand the disorder well enough to advise you.

If your Pastor were degreed in Social Work, however, they would not advise you to stay in the relationship. I wish you well and Happiness! Shelly, I can relate to your situation although it has taken me 32 years to see my way out. Yes it is good advice to do all you can to heal a distructive marriage. But, there comes a time when you HAVE done all you can do and the spouse has not done his part except use manipulation to stay.

Please get on this website: leslievernick. She will give you the resolve you need! Be brave! Drawing a line and sticking by your boundaries is the most loving and healthy thing to do for you and your son as well as your husband. Help is out there, but so are those who have awful advice! I am a Christian and I will be praying for you Shelly! The Lord wants you to heal and He wants you to learn to trust Him! His grace and peace, Jen. Most of these monsters will never get help, because they have a God complex of sorts. They think they are perfect. They are monsters. They know full well what they are doing and should all eat shit and die. Thank you for your reply.

I have no official medical education but I totally agree with what you have to say here. I suffer from allergic reactions to many foods, I have athsma and I suspect a few other auto immune disorders. Living in a high stress environment makes your auto immune system go on high alert. I see that my stress levels effect how sensitive my allergies are.